It's been in the back of my mind ever since I was pregnant with her, but it really just hit me yesterday.  I've given birth to my last baby, and if that weren't bad enough, she's not much of a baby anymore.  Sure, she still drinks from a bottle, and she can't walk, yet, but that's about all that still exists from her infancy.  They prepare you for postpartum depression, but no one warns you about post last baby depression.

I took Victoria to the movies yesterday to see the new Disney princess movie.  The embarassing thing is part of what triggered this onset of sadness was a preview for a Miley Cyrus movie, of all things.  It's some silly teeny bopper movie but part of it was about her relationship with her dad.  I looked over at Victoria and realized that one day she would be a 16-year-old girl and would no longer want to do things like go to the movies with me.  Then my thoughts turned to Sophie and how she was growing up so fast already, with her 1st birthday fast approaching. 

I haven't been able to climb out of this funk, and my sadness culminated today when I cleared off the twin bed in her room in preparation for its disposal.  This is the bed that Trevor once slept in when it was his room.  We kept it even after transforming it into a nursery so that I would have a place to rest with the baby during those initial sleepless nights.  It turned into our joint bed where we co-slept for her first 6 months or so. I packed up her bottle warmer and threw away a pacifier that she hasn't taken in months. Dismantling it just further proves that she's no longer the tiny baby that needs me in the middle of the night.  For the most part, she has been sleeping through the night, and for those nights that she wakes, a quick bottle puts her right back out- no cuddling needed. So I'm listening the The Cure's "Pictures of You" while typing this, trying not to cry my eyes out. 

And as further proof that she's growing up way too fast, here are pics of her indulging in her new habit...

Here's a glimpse into my evenings.  After dinner and baths comes bed time.  Save for special occassions and some weekends, bed time is 8 o'clock.  This has not changed.  Ever.  So, why it seems to come as a surprise to Victoria EVERY night, I will never know.  We start with pouting and shouting "No!" and quickly escalate to lying on the floor and refusing to move.  This usually evolves into threats of no tv, begging, bargaining, and finally picking her up and thrusting her into bed.

That is only the prelude to the main event.  The next 2 hours are filled with poem recitations, songs, and even costume changes:  

She comes out of her room a few times under the guise of wanting a blanket, stuffed animal, or the ultimate manipulation- a hug and kiss.  She's a master of procrastination, putting even me to shame.  After a while, she passes out and sleeps soundly through the night (unlike some younger siblings, who shall remain nameless).

As I type this, she's beginning hour 2 of stalling.  I hear her talking to herself and rustling papers and toys.  Her room is no doubt a disaster, yet some sick part of me will miss this tomorrow night when the kids are with their grandparents.

Sophie-

You may notice that your monthly letter is a couple of days late.  This is because I'm tired. So tired.  Too tired to write, usually.  Also, my evenings have been consumed trying to find the best deals for you, your sister, and your brother for Christmas.  Of course, Santa will receive all the credit for my hard work.

Back to the tired part.  This is, in large part, due to the fact that you are STILL not sleeping through the night.  I mean Come On!  You're quickly coming up on a year, and you're still waking up like an infant.  Sadly, it's about the only baby part of you left. 

You're quickly approaching toddlerhood, too quick for my taste.  You crawl and pull up like a pro and have started standing up without holding onto anything, which is something your father keeps encouraging, much to my dismay.  You're not really talking, yet.  Mostly babbles and da das.  Dads get all the glory.

Im so proud of how indepedent you've become.  When not attempting to manipulate me into carrying you around, you are usually exploring on your own.  The other night, while I was helping Trevor with a school project, you entertained yourself by crawling throughout the house and playing with your toys.  I panicked when I couldn't find you, but as I rounded the corner toward your room, I was greeted with this scene:

Some other pics because you're so darn cute:

And to prove to Grandma that we do appreciate the clothes she buys:

Yesterday our morning began bright and early at 7am.  We had to leave the house by 9 am for Christmas pictures.  We ran around getting showered, dressed, and gorgeous and headed out the door, 15 minutes late, naturally.  We actually only ended up being a few minutes late, which didn't matter in the long run, since the entire experience was excruciatingly long.

It took the woman a good 10-15 minutes to set up for the pictures.  We decided to photograph the kids by themselves first.  After taking an insanely long time to get the kids in position, the lady realized the camera wasn't plugged up correctly.  She fixed that and then began snapping.  The one instruction we had for Trevor and Victoria was to continue looking at the camera and smiling while we tried to get Sophie to smile.  They naturally ignored our instructions, and we got several shots of them looking in different directions or making weird faces.  We finally got one decent one of the 3 of them looking at the camera.

Then, we started taking shots of the 5 of us until the lady wasn't sure if the pictures were even being saved.  She kept blaming the camera, even though her co-worker kept assuring her that the camera was working fine earlier.  We had to switch rooms, so she could use the camera she knew had to work. Wesley was fit to be tied by this point, and the kids were already becoming unglued.  He was mumbling things under his breath, and they were running around in circles.

After another 15 minutes or so, she was finally ready for us in the other room.  We were posed, and Victoria decided she didn't want to smile or pose.  After fighting with her and threatening spankings and more, she finally decided to participate.  We took several and again ended up with only 1 decent shot.

We managed to get some individual shots of each of the kids, which were off center but decent enough, so we came away with a decent selection.  Then, the woman took another 20 minutes creating special effects that we had no intentions of purchasing.  Wesley had to tell her twice to hurry the hell up because we were ready to leave.  By that point, she knew we were frustrated, so she was just trying to get us out of there.  I picked out the poses as quickly as possible and took the kids out to walk around while Wesley paid.

After 10 minutes of us waiting on him, I sent Trevor in to see what was taking so long.  Turns out, the woman didn't know how to work the register. She finally figured it out somewhat, but then she short changed Wesley a dollar.  She couldn't get the register back open, so she gave Wesley a dollar back from her own purse.

All in all, it was a horrendous experience.  It took an hour and a half from start to finish, and only about 20 minutes of that was actually taking pictures.  I was quite proud of Wesley for not reaming that woman up one side and down the other.  He will be contacting the district manager, though.

After that ordeal, I took Trevor and Victoria to a birthday party while Wesley stayed home with the baby and "studied" for his final.  The party was for one of Trevor's friends that no longer goes to his school, so they really appreciated us coming.  We walked into the house, and I was immediately on pins and needles as I looked around and saw a spotless room, immaculate carpets, and nothing on counter tops and tables.  They only have the one child- an 8yo, so they’re not accustomed to Hurricane Victoria.  I stayed on top of her the entire time, and I have to admit that she was really good.  We were treated to a magic show, lunch, cake and ice cream, and a dance contest, which Victoria totally rocked.  Unfortunately, her dancing resembles something you might see on a stripper pole as opposed to a typical 4-year-old's moves.  They were playing Michael Jackson, so it was hysterical to see her emulating his moves like the older kids. 

We were gone for 3 hours, so I was pretty exhausted when we got home. Of course, it got dark soon after, and we had promised the kids that we would look at Christmas lights.  We hopped back in the car, swung by drive thru, and ate in the car while looking at lights. 

Trevor managed to spill his drink right after we got the food, which reminded us why we should never opt to eat in the car.  We speedily drove through neighborhoods, as the Christmas lights whizzed by in a blur.  It was obvious that the driver (not me) was not in the Christmas spirit.  Instead of Christmas music, we were lulled to the sound of the SEC Championship game blasted at 11 in order to drown out the choir of shrill shrieking and arguing coming from the back seat.  Everyone was ready to go home after about 30 minutes.  We were already in our pj's so everyone was sent to bed early, including me, who retired to the bedroom at about 9pm and promptly fell asleep.

Thanksgiving went off without a hitch.  Dinner was delicious, if I do say so myself.  I'm still wiped out and have to finish the kids Advent calendars, so here are some pics to describe the day:

In preparation for the upcoming holiday season, Wesley decided that we all needed a break.  He booked a hotel in Hendersonville, NC, and planned all sorts of fun things to do.  It was a nice change from the typical pre-holiday freak out that we usually experience.  We were forced to leave the mess and stress behind. 

We arrived around lunch time and checked in to the hotel.  Victoria promptly broke in the bed by jumping repeatedly.  We then headed downtown to a place called Hands On.  Vic got to paint and play dress up and paint, Trev raced cars, and Sophie even found things to play with.

We went to an amazing little Irish pub for lunch in which Sophie attempted to eat Wesley's face:

We also visited the fossil museum, which Victoria so eloquently described as "Booorrringg.  We ate German for dinner, and minus a tiny meltdown here and there, the kids were very good all day.  We rewarded them with a quick swim in the indoor pool at the hotel.  Overall it was a great day.

Then it was time for bed. We had 2 queen beds, so the original plan was for Wesley and me to sleep with the baby in one bed while Trevor and Victoria shared the other. We started out that way, but then Vic wanted to get in the bed with me, so it was the girls in one bed and the boys in the other.  Sophie took an insanely long time to fall asleep, especially given the fact that she had only napped for a total of about an hour that day.  However, she was the first.  Victoria would follow shortly, but before she dozed off, she tossed and turned, rolling into Sophie, so we put Sophie in the bed with Wesley and Trevor.  Trevor went to sleep next, followed by me.  Wesley stayed awake only to watch Georgia lose to Kentucky.  Meanwhile every time Trevor would bump into Sophie, she would scream out, so Trevor ended up in the bed with me and Victoria.  At about midnight we realized that there wasn't enough milk for Sophie in case she awakened in the middle of the night, so off to the gas station Wesley went.  At that point, we ened up in our final sleeping arrangements- me with the baby, and Wesley with Trevor and Victoria.

I had hoped that once he returned from the gas station and everyone was settled, we would all sleep peacefully.  Unfortunately that was not the case.  I spent the next 7 hours listening to snoring, coughing, screaming, etc.  I was also on pins and needles because I was terrified that Sophie would roll off the bed.  I remember thinking at 3:30 a.m. that I couldn't wait for morning to come so we could drive home, and I could get in my own bed.

Every child woke up at 7:30 a.m. on the dot.  No sleeping in for us, despite the fact that we were in a pitch-black hotel room.  Wesley and I groggily got the kids presentable enough to eat the hotel breakfast.  Then we returned to the room, gathered our things, and were on the road by 9:30.  Minus the exhaustion, it was a much-needed, much appreciated vacation.  It was our first trip with all the kids, and I dare say it was a success. 

And now, I must make 48 deviled eggs for Victoria's class lunch, followed by preparing Thanksgiving dinner, then Christmas shopping, decorating, getting Victoria's teeth fixed, and the list goes on and on...

This is Victoria's new sweater:

It's perfect for fall- brown, warm, and 100% wool.   That's why I bought it in fact...for me, not her.  That's what happens when you let your well-meaning husband do all of the laundry.  Wool sweaters get washed, dried, and shrunk.   

Don't let this face fool you:

It's the face of a ganster, a mobster, a bully.  I've already mentioned her stealing other babies' blankets and dangling toys out of reach, but her bad behavior culminated today when she...wait for it...sat on the other babies. As bossy and headstrong as Victoria is, she NEVER did anything like that. Poor, poor Trevor.

I've noticed a disturbing trend over the past month.  Sophie has chosen a role model to emulate, so now instead of 1 headstrong little girl, I have 2.  I've been telling myself that although she is now exhibiting Victoriaesque characteristics (stealing blankets, dangling toys out of reach, etc.), I probably had a few years before they formed a diabolical twosome capable of destroying the world.  That was until tonight when Victoria asked to sleep in the extra bed in Sophie's room.  For the past hour, the two of them have been giggling and playing.  The fact that Sophie cannot yet speak has not impaired their relationship one bit. It's simultaneously heartwarming and terrifying.

Tomorrow marks Sophie's 10 month.  She's crawling and pulling up like a champ, but I'm thrilled to announce that she's not any closer to walking than she was a month ago.  Time is flying enough as it is, and I need her to need me a little longer.